


Forget It

by ElizabethWilde



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M, Songfic, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-07-20
Updated: 2003-07-20
Packaged: 2018-02-08 03:44:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1925514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizabethWilde/pseuds/ElizabethWilde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xander ponders "what ifs".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forget It

**Author's Note:**

> The song used is "I Love You" by Sarah McLachlan.

~I have a smile  
stretched from ear to ear  
to see you walking down the road~

Anya holds my hand firmly as we walk toward Buffy, who looks tired but happy, a bit of green blood spattered across the hem of her short blue skirt. When she gets closer, she calls, "Got it."

"Of course you did," I reply, knowing the grin on my face looks even stupider than it feels. "You're the Slayer. Now that you've slayed, up for some dinner? Anya and I were-" Anya's elbow in my ribs made completing the invitation impossible. I gasped for air desperately.

"Xander is taking me out," Anya said instead. "You should call Riley. You could... do something. We're leaving now."

Buffy's eyebrow shot up, but she said only, "Good idea, Anya. Slaying does work up an appetite."

I wanted to apologize or shrug or react in some way, but the pain kept me silent and slightly hunched over as Anya pulled me down the road. I'd missed my shot again.

~We meet at the lights  
I stare for a while  
the world around disappears~

In my mind, I asked her. I asked Buffy to come. And Anya wasn't there anymore. She magically faded away and left us alone under the streetlight, staring into each other's eyes. I felt the warmth of Buffy smile and saw the light in her sparkling eyes. 

In my mind, she said yes and took my hand almost hesitantly, as if she were afraid I'd reject the gesture. I could never reject Buffy, though, and I took held her hand and beamed with the pride of knowing she cared. I felt the elation I've always known I'd feel if Buffy ever acknowledged my feelings for her. 

And then I said, "I love you."

And said she said it back.

~Just you and me  
on this island of hope  
a breath between us could be miles  
Let me surround you  
my sea to your shore  
let me be the calm you seek~

That was all in my mind. Anya and I went to dinner at Golden Corral. It wasn't fancy, but it was nicer than McDonald's. She then insisted on actually taking the country line dancing class she'd signed us up for a week earlier. I begged and pleaded and tried to make myself throw up to convince her I was too sick to participate. Anya never was one to take excuses, though, and we danced.

It was sheer torture and after about fifteen minutes of country music, Anya tried to strangle the poor DJ. I hauled her off and promised it was just her medication wearing off before making a hasty exit. As we walked back to the apartment and Anya complained about the "attitude" of the yokels at the club, I realized I had chosen my path. Maybe Buffy chose it for me because I did try. Past all the horrifying, mind-numbing fear, I did try. She turned me away. 

But, then, I never tried again, did I? When everything changed and Angel was gone and before Riley showed up, I never tried. I let it be. I let it go right past me. 

~Oh and every time I'm close to you  
there's too much I can't say  
and you just walk away~


End file.
